[ he notices the smile, but doesn't care to call him out on it. the observation merely softens his expression, because, well... of course Bilbo has never seen him like this. nobody has, for a very long time. he hasn't been home in a very long time, home and at peace. ]
Good. [ and it is. of course, Bilbo is not like to have anything to fear once he makes it to the Shire, anyway. for once, Thorin doesn't bother fighting the urge to close his eyes for a moment. there's nothing to prove, not here, no image to maintain toward someone who might have heard his dying words. Thorin is still tired. he sighs deeply before he looks at his friend again. there's something on his mind that weighs on him, and he'd sooner have it over with than carrying it any longer. ]
[ the smile lingers for a little longer, though Bilbo considers for a moment asking Thorin if he would like to be left to rest when he sees the Dwarf king's eyes close - he's keenly aware of how serious his injuries were, after all, and how he's barely recovered from them.
he barely opens his mouth before he freezes like that, neatly caught by Thorin's (characteristically blunt) words. he promptly shuts his mouth again a moment later. he then follows it up with a faint: ]
Oh.
[ well, here it is; the conversation he's been dreading but knows that they must have. once again, his hands press the binding of his book, now largely forgotten about, holding it shut fast. ]
[ what does he say? what can he say, what is there left to be said? he remembers the letter well. Thorin pauses, searching for words that fit well enough to use, gaze shifting between the wall ahead of him and the blanket, and his friend. he has chosen his words in the past, at times, but not often for this kind of reason. ]
Despite, as you said, our best efforts, we are indeed all alive in the end.
[ and how much more bitter would matters have been if they had not? now he looks at Bilbo in full. ]
There is nothing to forgive. ... When I lost my way, you were the only one with the wisdom and courage to defy me before it was too late. And for this, I am still grateful.
[ it's no small amount of relieving, to hear the words, but Bilbo cannot help but feel a small measure of surprise as well. he had hoped, at best, to be forgiven for what he did (for even if Bilbo still thinks that he did the right thing in not giving the Arkenstone up to a gold-crazed Thorin, he still feels badly about the whole affair) - but to hear Thorin say that he is grateful is another thing entirely. ]
You're... grateful. Even after the mess I made of that whole business with the stone?
[ he tries to keep his tone light; it's not easy, still, to think of the change that the dragon sickness worked on Thorin. ]
[ he nods. keeps his eyes firmly on him. of course it hurt and it still hurts to think that a thing so precious and so important was only ever poison, but there's no denying it now. ]
If you hadn't, do you think I would've yielded?
[ and if he hadn't, if Thorin hadn't come to his senses when he did, then that battle could've taken a turn for... well, far worse than it did. ]
[ no is the answer that immediately springs to mind. Bilbo doesn't think so; not with how far gone Thorin was. isn't that the reason he resolved to try out his foolish idea in the first place? he swallows, eyes downcast, and, after a moment, shakes his head. ]
No. [ he lifts his gaze again, saying more assertively: ] No, I don't think you would have at all. You've always been - well, stubborn, if you don't mind me saying so, even at the best of times, but this was - this was something far beyond that.
[ another nod, but this one carries more weight, enough to bear his gaze down for a moment. he is tired again already, but this he wants to see through. ]
And there you have it.
[ even Thorin himself knows not where he was, where or how he lost sight of himself down the road to what he wanted for so long. lost sight of what he'd had all along. ]
In the end- [ he falters, hesitant to say it, the words heavy on his tongue. ] In the end, even a jewel with no equal is just a jewel. It cannot save lives.
[ and in the end, lives are so much more precious than gems. what a fool he was to ever have forgotten this. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Good. [ and it is. of course, Bilbo is not like to have anything to fear once he makes it to the Shire, anyway. for once, Thorin doesn't bother fighting the urge to close his eyes for a moment. there's nothing to prove, not here, no image to maintain toward someone who might have heard his dying words. Thorin is still tired. he sighs deeply before he looks at his friend again. there's something on his mind that weighs on him, and he'd sooner have it over with than carrying it any longer. ]
I found your letter.
[ and all that entails. ]
no subject
he barely opens his mouth before he freezes like that, neatly caught by Thorin's (characteristically blunt) words. he promptly shuts his mouth again a moment later. he then follows it up with a faint: ]
Oh.
[ well, here it is; the conversation he's been dreading but knows that they must have. once again, his hands press the binding of his book, now largely forgotten about, holding it shut fast. ]
What I wrote - it still stands.
no subject
Despite, as you said, our best efforts, we are indeed all alive in the end.
[ and how much more bitter would matters have been if they had not? now he looks at Bilbo in full. ]
There is nothing to forgive. ... When I lost my way, you were the only one with the wisdom and courage to defy me before it was too late. And for this, I am still grateful.
no subject
You're... grateful. Even after the mess I made of that whole business with the stone?
[ he tries to keep his tone light; it's not easy, still, to think of the change that the dragon sickness worked on Thorin. ]
no subject
If you hadn't, do you think I would've yielded?
[ and if he hadn't, if Thorin hadn't come to his senses when he did, then that battle could've taken a turn for... well, far worse than it did. ]
no subject
No. [ he lifts his gaze again, saying more assertively: ] No, I don't think you would have at all. You've always been - well, stubborn, if you don't mind me saying so, even at the best of times, but this was - this was something far beyond that.
no subject
And there you have it.
[ even Thorin himself knows not where he was, where or how he lost sight of himself down the road to what he wanted for so long. lost sight of what he'd had all along. ]
In the end- [ he falters, hesitant to say it, the words heavy on his tongue. ] In the end, even a jewel with no equal is just a jewel. It cannot save lives.
[ and in the end, lives are so much more precious than gems. what a fool he was to ever have forgotten this. ]