[Elle wants to pick at the peeling paint on her Pip-Boy. She fusses with Cain's fur instead, lightly picking out sand and dirt.]
I don't think I'd be where I am without them, [she confesses.] I don't think... I'd be able to do what I... [... yeah, no, wait. She sighs through her nose.] Honestly, I'm not even sure that I can do... what I'm in the position to do. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't think that anything this big should rely on me. I'm not any good at making plans. I don't know anything about leading people. I don't...
[She swallows. She didn't mean for all of this to come spilling out, but... it's happening. This is the first time she's really... said this, all together at once, like this. Her friends would hear bits and pieces of it, but she never let herself... Not like she used to. It hasn't been the same since the Sierra Madre. ... she hasn't been the same.]
Right now, my plan is to follow the plans of men I've killed, [she says hollowly, like it's a confession of some horrible sin. Which makes her feel ridiculous. Look at who she's talking to. But knowing what he did, and comparing it to what she's done, doesn't make the weight on her chest, on her throat, any lighter. It makes it more stubborn.] One of them is the one who took my memories from me, and the other one, I... [She falters. ... no. She can't... she can't. She can't bring herself to... Saying it is still too -- She shakes her head.
At some point during all of that, nearer towards the end, Cain turned and reached for the front of Elle's dress so he could climb his way up to her heart and clutch to the front of her chest there, right there.
Elle takes a deep breath.] I'm... I'm sorry. That's not what I meant to... sorry. I'll figure it out. [She's not looking at Joshua or his dæmon, or even the campfire. She's just looking... away.]
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I don't think I'd be where I am without them, [she confesses.] I don't think... I'd be able to do what I... [... yeah, no, wait. She sighs through her nose.] Honestly, I'm not even sure that I can do... what I'm in the position to do. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't think that anything this big should rely on me. I'm not any good at making plans. I don't know anything about leading people. I don't...
[She swallows. She didn't mean for all of this to come spilling out, but... it's happening. This is the first time she's really... said this, all together at once, like this. Her friends would hear bits and pieces of it, but she never let herself... Not like she used to. It hasn't been the same since the Sierra Madre. ... she hasn't been the same.]
Right now, my plan is to follow the plans of men I've killed, [she says hollowly, like it's a confession of some horrible sin. Which makes her feel ridiculous. Look at who she's talking to. But knowing what he did, and comparing it to what she's done, doesn't make the weight on her chest, on her throat, any lighter. It makes it more stubborn.] One of them is the one who took my memories from me, and the other one, I... [She falters. ... no. She can't... she can't. She can't bring herself to... Saying it is still too -- She shakes her head.
At some point during all of that, nearer towards the end, Cain turned and reached for the front of Elle's dress so he could climb his way up to her heart and clutch to the front of her chest there, right there.
Elle takes a deep breath.] I'm... I'm sorry. That's not what I meant to... sorry. I'll figure it out. [She's not looking at Joshua or his dæmon, or even the campfire. She's just looking... away.]