nestbox | | they've got the kingdom locked up. (CALL ME OUT)

[She would never find any malice for his friends there. Thomas would gladly die for them-- He is on their side. The jokes between them are just that, jokes. They keep a smile on their faces when they can muster one, and that, he thinks, is important.]

Grievers. [He nods, answering her question. And then, he listens to what she says next. It's interesting how close her thoughts were to his own. He had felt exactly the same way... Or well, close enough. He wouldn't say he wasn't afraid of the things, once he did set his eyes on them. But not doing anything about them-- That did bother him a lot, too.] ... Yeah. Mostly I wanted to know more. I wanted to do more. I couldn't believe that after three years they had found so little. [Though, to their credit, they had mapped most of the maze.]

We killed one of them. That's when we started to find out more.

Grievers... [ She repeats it to herself quietly, just to get a feel for the word. It's as good a name as any, she supposes. They did cause a lot of grief.

As he continues, she looks over at him again, attentive. It's a strange feeling, seeing there's someone who felt the same way she had then, even though it's not really going to matter out here, is it? Things are different now. But still, it's-- good to know. A comfort, a kind of common ground Tris hasn't had with anyone she didn't convince. She nods. ]

I think we had to kill one. Or at least one. I think it was part of the trial. Otherwise, how're you going to get the key?

[Thomas always assumed that was why the other boys had called them that, yes.

And well, for all it's worth, he is feeling exactly the same way towards her. He wonders, briefly, what would have happened if someone like Tris had been in his own maze, back when he arrived. Would things have gone more smoothly for him? Would they have been harder? Not that it really matters, in the end. After all, she's right, they are out here now. Things are very different.

He nods at her words.]

You wouldn't. [He nods again. He had never thought of it that way, but she did make a very good point. If they hadn't killed that Griever, they would have never managed to find the exit.] When you guys got out, did they show you that fake video, too?

They did. [ Her voice goes cold with anger, lips pressed into a thin line in the damning silence that follows. ]

Complete with a wrecked lab and the bodies lying around and people coming to our rescue just in time.

[ And she goes tense all over, furious with them for what they did, and just as angry at herself for believing it. For wanting so badly to believe it. She should've known it was all too convenient. Should've said something, done something.

But didn't.

They'd all wanted it to be real. Letting a breath out like she's been holding it, she tries to let the thought go, shakes her head. ]

It was so strange seeing the maze from the outside. Watching it vanish behind us.

Just like it happened with us. [He says, dryly, nodding at her words.

It's a moment he prefers not to think too much about, Chuck's death still haunting him.

At her next words, he nods again, eyes narrowing as he looks at the floor, hands playing with one another all the more.]

... Yeah. It really was. [Surreal, even.] The Right Arm got to you guys, though, right? Managed to save you, Harriet and Sonya before you got into the WICKED base? [Because only Aris and Rachel had been there, right?]

There were others. [ For a moment, that's all she says. On which side? With her, or with Aris? But this is past tense, and by how hollow she sounds, the implication is probably clear. She shrugs, uncomfortable, trying to shrink further into the jacket that's already big on her. ]

But yeah. They got to us. It... it didn't go smoothly.

[ When does anything? Too many losses. Tris crosses her arms and tucks her hands in, staring at the ground. This isn't a cold that clothes will help against. ]

I heard you were the one they got the info from.

[Thomas goes extremely quiet at that, as well. He doesn't say anything, the weight of her words falling on his own shoulders, his own thoughts.]

... I can imagine. [He mutters, eventually, eyes still set on the ground. Because, yeah, he really can. Theirs had probably been the first maze to be solved - which said a lot to their credit - as Thomas remembered being told that Aris had been at the WICKED facility for quite some time before they arrived. His, he thinks, was the last of the mazes to be freed.

He is about to change topics, again, perhaps ask her if she would like a blanket or something else to warm herself with (she seems cold) when her words completely break that intention.

Thomas looks at her, at first, from the corner of his eyes, and then shifts uncomfortably on his seat. He takes a while to answer, playing nervously with his fingers and massaging his wrists, all the while only looking at his hands.

Eventually, though, he does speak.]

Yeah... I... [A short pause, uncertain.] I guess so. [And a sigh.] I can't remember much.

[ It's the fidgeting that draws her eyes and pulls her out of the familiar dark she drifted off to. The horizon gets only a cursory glance along the way, but at him, she looks steadily, unfolding her arms and straightening a little. ]

Well, if it wasn't for what you did, I wouldn't be here right now. Even if you don't remember now.

[ Which- that's another reason she despises WICKED as much as she does. They erased all their histories without a second thought. They never even planned to give them back, if that was ever possible. In fact, that train of thought lets her offer him a way out of responding. It's obvious he isn't comfortable with any of that, and, thinking about it, she can't really blame him. ]

I wonder if there's a way to get our memories back.

[He doesn't look at her when she says those things, keeping his eyes on his hands, rubbing his fingers, his knuckles. There's a hint of a grimace on his expression, but he doesn't say anything. At first, because he isn't sure of what to say.

What he can remember, he isn't exactly proud of. And though he knows that he probably did do something, given that memory with Teresa about how he 'couldn't keep watching them die', he doesn't remember ever talking to Mary, he doesn't remember giving her the coordinates to all the mazes and the WICKED facilities. He doesn't remember what happened after WICKED caught him, he doesn't remember what they did to him.

All he knows is that he used to work for them. And that is enough to bring a sour taste to his mouth.

He remains quiet, this time not because he doesn't know what to say but because he doesn't want to say what he knows: Don't thank me.

What she says last, though, makes his eyes narrow, and he swallows down, looking past his hands to the ground again. He hates what he is about to say, too.]

There is. [And he is back to massaging his fingers again.] They returned Teresa's memories to her, back at where they took us to, after the maze. I'm sure there will be devices in their Headquarters, too, that will allow you to do that, if you want to.

[ It needed saying, to her. But then she sees him grimace, and she knows it wasn't the right thing to say at all. He seems more than unsure. He seems ashamed. If it were her, she realizes, she'd probably feel the same way.

Best to let it go. She nearly apologizes for bringing the whole thing up, but doesn't want to linger on it even for that.

And then there's Teresa's name. The traitor, the lone girl from his maze just like Aris had been the lone boy from hers, but obviously a completely different person. Tris had barely known her, but her act of treason made it personal for all of them in an instant. Try as she might to reserve her hatred for someone who seemed so desperate to save the world and save her friends, she can't ignore that Teresa sided with WICKED. She worries, for a moment, if some of them might too if they knew, and nervously wipes her palms on her pants. ]

At least that gives me time to think about it. On the one hand, I want to know. But-- [ there are enough things to regret already. ] but it's not like there's a way back, like I'll forget everything else that happened.

[ Does it make her a coward not to want to face any of the pain and loss she left behind? ]

[He is thankful that she doesn't insist on the subject, much like he is thankful that she doesn't bring up any questions regarding Teresa or what happened.

Thomas is having a very hard time, himself, wrapping his head around everything. He is angry with her, upset. He doesn't think he will ever be able to forgive her. Her story was heavy and he knows what she is thinking, but, to him, it's still no excuse to side with WICKED, to allow them to do what they are doing with them, without their consent. That she thinks that's right, that she thinks that's fair, that she sold them out like that, after everything they had done for her-- He had done for her...?

Again, though, it all came down to him. It was his fault. He had returned to her. He had brought her with them. He had ignored all the red flags that should have lifted, given the talks she had had with him, recently. And now... Now people were dead. Good people. And WICKED had Minho, as well as a few of their other friends.

He still wasn't sure about how to deal with all of that.

He nods at her words, fully understanding and agreeing with them. He felt the exact same way.]

Yeah. [He says, nodding again.] I used to want nothing more than to remember. But now... I'm not so sure, anymore. [Would remember his past change him, like it had changed Teresa? He didn't want that, he didn't want to hurt his friends.

He wasn't entirely sure that would happen, if it was true that, even back then, he had ended up helping them, but. He wasn't sure, either, that he was prepared to find out. Not yet, anyway.]

[ Her turn to nod. She understands the sentiment. Knowing used to seem so important, staring down the gaping hole where her memories should be, her life, her family. But what if her past is just like her present, like everyone's present? Full of terrible stories and decisions nobody should have to make?

She sighs. ] Yeah. ... Maybe when all this is over.

[ Maybe then she won't have to be so afraid of what knowing will change. There'll be less at stake, then, and maybe she'll be surer of how important it is to find out. ]

[His eyebrows rise a little at that, and he can't help but smile at her words, looking back at her. 'When all this is over'. He likes the sound of that. Someone else who believes that they will get there, too.]

Yeah... Maybe then.

[He nods, reassuringly.]

So... [He tries, wanting to keep the conversation going.] Were you and Harriet always friends? [He mentions Harriet because she is the only one left, here. He doesn't want to turn the conversation sour.]

[ She has to. She has to believe, if only because WICKED has taken enough things from her and all of them, too many to even think of letting them take anything else. Ruin them, Tobias said. And she will. They will. Together. She looks down as she accepts his reassurance, but she can't help smiling too.

His question has her sigh. ]

No, not really. She was the first arrival, and so she was the leader. I didn't trust her at all at first. And I kind of... [ Tris looks away. ] I challenged her a lot, bent and broke some rules. It took a little while. But I'm really glad we worked things out eventually.

[ She leaves room for him to ask more, if he wants, instead of following up immediately with a question of her own. ]

[It's good to know that, at least. Having someone else pulling things along with him can only do good things.

And as she replies to his question, Thomas can't help but blink, eventually chuckling a little. That sounds... terribly familiar. Newt would say so too, if he was listening in.]

So you were me. [He says, the smile still there, a little sad but reminiscent, in a good way.] You were there longer than me, though. I guess you went up the ranks, eventually?

[ She laughs lightly. ]

No, I'm pretty sure me being me was what was the problem. [ But at the same time, she understands what he means. It's almost eerie, having so much in common with someone she should only barely know. So many of the same choices. Not quite the same results.

Tris nods. ]

It took a while. Actually the newbie after me was chosen for the Runners before I was. [ She shrugs, looks away again. Memories of Christina aren't comfortable, even after months. Maybe they never will be. She lets them pass, inwardly counting to 3 before she looks back at him. ]

Did you, uh, ever get into enough trouble they threatened to kick you out?

[And he just blinks at that, at first, surprised with the reply before just laughing, as well. Because, well.

That was it, wasn't it?]

Same here. [And he is chuckling still, nodding, as well. It really is pretty impressive, how close their roles were, within the maze. He wonders if she was the first one to suggest just going for it, too. He wonders if others supported her, like they did him.

What she says next, though, surprises him again, albeit for the wrong reasons, this time. His eyebrows shoot up.]

... Really? [Man, he would have been so pissed off. Sooooo pissed off. Thankfully, that wasn't the case at all. Though, then again, he was the last one before Teresa arrived.

He can tell, however, that this is a delicate subject. So he tries not to pry too much, not to ask too much. He knows how those can be.

Her question takes him by surprise (once more, too) only, this time, it's just one of his eyebrows that goes up.]

Kick me out? [... Did they do that in Tris' maze? Kick people out for causing trouble?] You mean... banish me into the maze? Or...?

[ It's good, either way, to be able to laugh about it instead of devolving into awkwardness. She's finding she likes his laugh.

At first she had been as angry as he expects, and more than that, jeaous. But then-- things had changed. Maybe she'd broach all that eventually, and it does all tie together already, anyway, in a messy tangled heap that lead to them getting through their maze, that lead to them being here now.

She tilts her head at him. He seems... confused? Surprised? Exile was the worst punishment possible, of course, but she'd have expected the boys to have thought of the same thing. No one survives a night in the maze, after all. ]

Yeah. Banished, Exiled, whatever you guys called it.

[Yeah, definitely. When he is with someone else, he prefers to laugh or, at least, smile. It's when he is alone (or alone in his thoughts, anyway) that things darken considerably. He tries to keep it under wraps to the best of his ability, though.

Thomas wouldn't really have given it time to feel jealous, because he would protest until he couldn't protest anymore. But well, yeah, he wasn't the only one in there. If he managed to do the things he had managed to do was because he had support. Minho, Newt and Chuck's support, mostly. He knew who he could go to, he knew how to make things work. The people they had been with, Thomas thinks, and how they related to them, are what really made a difference.

As she answers him, Thomas has a clear call back to the first time they made it to the WICKED facilities and that boy, sitting at the table with them, mentioned that Aris was the only boy in a maze of girls and how "some guys were just lucky". He blinks.

Oh boy. Was he wrong.

Uh.]

... No? We only banished people who had been stung. [A pause.] ... And even then, not always. [Not after he had been around for a while.] When you misbehaved, you were sentenced to nights in the pit. Sometimes without food. [Even if people were (sort of) free to bring you food if they wanted to.]

[ None of the mazes were all sunshine and rainbows. What he's saying sounds kinder than it was in theirs, but also more precarious. People were exiled because they were a threat to others. If they'd been stung, or if they lashed out at others for some other reason and could no longer be calmed down, didn't make that much of a difference - anything where locking them up wouldn't bring them to reason, wouldn't solve anything, needed to be solved in some other way. Tris lets out a sigh. ]

I guess we did some things differently.

[ And she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, thinking back. ]

But I think she just said that because she was really pissed at me at the time. I mean I guess... starting a fight and getting locked up for it and breaking out and then going into the maze without actually being a runner on the same day? Might have been a little much.

[He can understand what she means... to a point. Yet, this is the part where they would probably disagree. It would really depend on the situation, for Thomas, it would have to be a case-by-case basis and, even then, he wouldn't exactly be comfortable sending people alone into the maze, mainly when they had absolutely no chance of survival. But well, that was why he wasn't the one calling the shots, he guesses.

Banishing people just for causing trouble, though, mainly when said trouble didn't actually equal seriously injuring somebody else on purpose--... Thomas really would never agree to that.]

I guess so. [He can't help the small smile, however (and the mental note to keep an extra eye on Harriet, just in case).

What Tris says next, though, makes Thomas' eyebrows go up again, in surprise.]

... You did all that in a day? [Wow.

Minho would have a field day, listening to this. And so would Thomas, if Newt was awake and listening in, too. He'd so throw a 'See, I wasn't that bad' look at him. So much.

His hat went off to her, though.] You went in there completely alone without being a Runner? Really?

Look, there's a reason, okay. [ Now she's sounding defensive, and draws herself upright again from where she's been sinking into a slouch. Proud. Still so much shorter than him, though. ]

I had to save my friend. [ Ah, but, that's about where it registers that he isn't lecturing her so far, and anyway, it's in the past. She huffs, deflating a little. ]

This wasn't long after Christina became a runner. She was the new arrival after me, the one I mentioned, and, well, pretty much my best friend from the day she showed up. She went into the maze with the others that day, but when they came back she wasn't with them and-- [ She trails off a moment, steadying herself again. ]

-- And one of the others said, I don't remember what exactly, but it came down to "good riddance". So I hit her.

[ Repeatedly. No regrets. ] And I wasn't going to let my best friend die out there just because they locked me up.

[He lifts his hands up a little at her defensive stance, a silent 'Okay, okay' in response to her defensiveness-- He won't make more questions. After all, whatever happened after, she survived, right? Otherwise, they wouldn't be having this conversation.

Still, there's something cute about the way she straightens herself up like that, all protective of her position, making him have to move his head back a little, too.

Girls are scary. When they're mad, anyway. ... Maybe a bit crazy, too.

Yet, the explanation she gives right after makes Thomas think otherwise. Under those circumstances, chances were he would have done exactly the same that she did. Even if it would get himself killed in the end (he had no idea where to go, within the maze). What she says though, about what happened, makes Thomas realize that their communities really were very different. Sure, things got sour closer to the end, but within reason. In the beginning, things like that wouldn't happen.]

... "Good riddance", really? [Yeah. Scary.] Wow. [His eyebrows move up, before his attention returns to the floor, hand massaging his other hand's wrist.] That didn't happen with us.

Everyone had a role, compatible with their skills. No one would be allowed to be a Runner if one of the leaders, and the Runner's leader, didn't think they were capable of making it. When one fell behind, we tried to help however we could.

We looked out for each other. [He pauses, eyes narrowing. His words familiar as they come out, in a fond yet somewhat painful way.] Because we were in it together. ... Are in it.

[... They should really hurry up. Who knows what they are doing to Minho right now.

He looks up again, at the horizon, and sighs through his nose.]

[ She did make it through the night, she wants to say, we both did, even though they always said it couldn't be done. But the response sticks in her throat, eyes shifting away. They'd made it through that night. But Christina hadn't made it to the Right Arm.

It's hard to let the thought go, and the ones that follow it. ]

Mostly that was true for us too. But I guess some people just hate each other, no matter what's in the rules. [ Now her eyes are on the horizon too. So long as she has something to focus on, she can avoid looking back. She won't argue with him, even though she thinks it must've been the same in every maze - everyone lost some people to the way others felt, or the way they felt themselves. Not everyone who died did it because they were stung. Even though she notes the way Thomas sounds as he says those words, like they're something he's carved deep into his memory, Tris chooses not to remark. She sighs, instead, her next words coming out flippant. ]

Well, that's the story of how we proved it's possible to survive a night in the maze. [ She shifts forward, her forearms on her knees as she looks out. ]

Obviously most days weren't that crazy.

[They all had their own story about how that myth had been broken. It does make him wonder how the other mazes did it, though according to that boy they met before, some mazes were actually released by WICKED itself.

Probably because they knew the Right Arm would be coming for them, due to the information Thomas had released. That was why they had started harvesting them in that place.]

Your group didn't have anyone trying to keep everyone else together in spite of whatever differences? [He isn't looking at her as he asks that, half-lost in his own thoughts. He has no doubts that things like that probably happened at some point, but at least from the moment he made it to the Glade, he hadn't witnessed anything glaringly unfair. Ben's banishment had been... haunting, but he understood the logic behind it.

As for Gally's anger... He understood it, too. He was scared. They were all scared. And whatever Gally had remembered, much like Teresa had, it couldn't have been pretty. Not that his understanding would mean that he is anywhere near forgiving what happened next, though. In both cases.

Thomas grimaces again and looks down. As curious as he is, the more time passes the more he feels like maybe he really doesn't want to remember. As selfish a thought as that is.]

Pretty amazing that you did, mainly up until you found your Runner friend. [At what she says next though, he just snorts a little, head shaking.]

I... figured as much. [... Sort of.]

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Tobias? =O

Yep! Left the explanation on plurk. :)

x333 <3

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